I have gone off of the deep end. Since my last post, my grandmother has died suddenly from a massive stroke and I took my oldest son to college. All I have done is stuff emotions and stuff my face.

Something has to give. I need an attitude and mental change. Praying..........

Finally, back to running this week, but I am struggling. I ran Sunday and Monday on the treadmill, but yesterday I had to push myself to get 1.45 miles out! I have had a stomach thing and haven't been eating much, so I am hoping that is the explanation for my fatigue and weakness. I feel better today. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to run further and with more energy. Praying it will be so.

Also going back to WW tonight since I have been out for 3-4 weeks. I have not weighed myself, so not sure what I will be facing, but I fully expect some kind of weight gain. Oh well, today is a new day. Success starts today for me and this will be a long journey for me. I am just trying to move one meal at a time, accepting the setbacks as well as the successes. May God give me discipline.

I have been working on my menus and grocery lists. My goal is to have 12 weeks of menus with a corresponding grocery list. I have four weeks done right now. One week is nothing but Clean Eating recipes, the other weeks are WW recipes. I want to be disciplined before and during school which starts in a month. I will be working on one week at a time until my 12 weeks are done. Should make shopping and planning easier.

Blessings!

Lots going on here. Family in town for 3 weeks, then my daughter and I went to New Mexico on a mission trip with the youth at church. We helped Broken Arrow Bible Ranch hold camp for around 160 Navajo and Zuni kids. It was great! Praying even today that the Lord continues to work in their lives and that the seed that was planted will grow to a sincere faith in Christ Jesus.

I actually weighed this morning just to see how I did because I just ate whatever they had. I lost 2 pounds! I think it was all of the walking all over camp to check on our students. On the way home, I tried to stay away from the milk shakes everyone was getting, too.

Hoping to get back to swimming and jogging this week. I've missed it, but today is a rest day for me. I am exhausted!

Another 2.8 out of here!

Kimmy and I have done GREAT! We bought a lot of healthy stuff, made menus (in the reverse order) and have exercised daily since she came last Wednesday. We have gone to the pool early in the mornings and worked out for an hour. It was nice and cool. I also have been on the treadmill, running shorter distances, but at faster speeds. We each lost 2.8 pounds tonight at WW! That is so awesome! That is a total weight loss for me at WW of 7.8 pounds and pre-WW, 4.5 for a grand total of 12.3 pounds! I am feeling better, running faster, loving healthy food more and more. The flavors of foods are coming out without all of the preservatives and chemicals. The biggest change for me is that I have not had sugar everyday. I have limited my sugar, especially chocolate intake. It's been great!

I am on my way to being a finisher and a persevere-er! Loving it!

Cousin Kimmy made it to town and we spent the first hour this morning doing laps and working with weights in the pool. So fun and didn't feel like a workout, but I think my arms will be sore.

We are heading out to Fresh Market and Whole Foods today to stock up on healthy stuff to eat while she is here. I can't wait to make some great choices together! Should make for a great two weeks together.

We are planning on some early morning walks, too. I have to get in a run or two as well, but I think I will be doing that on the treadmill again. Boring, but I can run for 30 minutes without the hills.

Running on the treadmill is going well, but it is so boring. I am running to music, but today while running, I would have loved to have been watching USA World Cup. I don't have a tv where my treadmill is. I have a dvd player, but I would have to turn my neck.

I did find myself focusing hard on the dart board when I wanted to quit. I do take short water breaks while running, stopping my iPod but walking on the treadmil. My kids interrupted me a lot today, too. I usually stop 2-3 times. I stopped 5-6 today to answer kids questions and give instructions. They usually know not to interrupt me (because I can't talk), but we have guests coming and they were actually helping me.

I am feeling great! I weighed in yesterday, expecting to gain 2 pounds. I only gaiend .8 pound and that is not writing anything down for 2 weeks! Wow! I think the running lately has helped me. I also have had a couple of days of fasting (not for health reasons, but spiritual purposes) and that probably played a part as well.

I think that gives me a total weight loss of 8.2 pounds. I am pleased with that, but have a ways to go, too.

Either way, I was encouraged and ready to get back to writing everything down. I bought 2 new WW cookbooks and will be using them to plan our menus while Kimmy is here. She is doing WW, too.

Another victory yesterday........went to Jason's Deli with two good friends. I got the mediterraean wrap which was the lowest calories, lowest fat, high fiber. I was pleased with myself. I added fruit to it and skipped the ice cream.

Then last night we went to Bonefish for a late Father's Day dinner with my dad. I did partake in bread and bangbang shrimp, but then Wade and I shared a lean fish dish with not a rich cream sauce on top, steamed asparagus, steamed broccoli and then only took 2 bites of the creme brulee. It was yummy, but it was all I wanted after all of that food.

Motivated again. Praying for God's strength to stay the course. Thankful for a treadmill in this heat.

Since the weigh in Branson, I have been pretty psyched out. That is so bad! A loss of 1.2 pounds in the second week is not bad, but I let it get me down. What? Did I think throwing everything out and gaining back the weight would make me feel better? What kind of logic is that?! It is still a pound gone!

So since Branson, June 8, I have not written anything down, missed my meeting last week (because I had company), have only exercised twice, and have eaten whatever. So I will be going back to my meeting group tomorrow night, confessing it all and beginning again. THIS MOMENT is where I have always quit WW. I WILL NOT QUIT! I WILL NOT BE A STARTER AND NOT A FINISHER! I WILL BE A FINISHER!

Today I ran 2.75 miles on the treadmill at a pretty good pace, but I have not eaten much at all. I am not sure why, but I am not hungry. I had coffee/cream for breakfast and then two bites of high fiber oatmeal. I haven't eaten anything since and I don't FEEL hunger. I need to eat, though. I think I will go make me a good sandwich on my sandwich thins with lean chicken and cheese and mustard and salsa. I have tomatoes, banana peppers and bell peppers out of my garden so I think I will eat some of those on there.

I just needed to begin again. Pick up and start over. Press on. Don't walk away or give up. This is and will be hard work. It will take a long time. I just need to focus on the next meal and this day. Thankfully, I have people around me encouraging me on this journey.