Okay, as my kids would say, FAIL.

Yes, yesterday was a FAIL as far as my choices. And I was going to be so wise, right? The kids chose Mexican. Are there any wise, good choices at a Mexican restaurant?!

First, we start with the chips and salsa. Salsa's not bad, but the chips. And, of course, they are "bottomless" so that you think the restaurant is doing you a favor!

Then we over-ordered. This seems to be the norm for some of my kids which they probably learned from their mother. In getting older, I have learned to share, so share I did. After many chips loaded with salsa. :)

I walked away feeling stuff, which I hate. I want to stop at "satisfied." That is a much different feeling. I also didn't fuel my body. There was nothing good that I put in my mouth that would help me have the strength for the night at youth group and the weekend of graduation, much less fight off this fluid behind my ears.

I need to rethink food. I need a new vision for why God created food the way He did. It is fuel. It is not to be worshipped. It is to be used for fueling our bodies. For so long, I have bowed down to the idol of food, it is hard to know how to break the habit.

But I want to learn. Over the past two years, we have made small changes as a family. At the grocery store, I don't buy cokes or chips, unless it is a special occasion or we are having something that "requires" chips (like for cheese dip). We are eating fish once or twice a week and less red meat. We are eating more veggies like asparagus, spinach for our salads (it's all I like) and raw carrots are always in the drawer for snacking. I usually have them scrubbed, peeled, cut up and bagged for easy access. I don't buy chocolate nearly as often and when I do buy chocolate for me, it is dark chocolate because I know that I will be totally satisfied with one small square. I don't crave more and more of dark. We also have begun exercising more as a family. P90X is being done by me and three of my kids. We aren't doing it daily yet, but hopefully this summer we will be on a good routine with it. If I am going down to the mailbox and back (2 miles), the two little kids are riding their bikes along with me and not just because it puts off school! :)

Now I just need to move to the next level in my small changes. I'm buying the fruit and eating some of it, but now I need to try to get MORE fruits and veggies in on a regular basis. I need to CHOOSE fruit or raw veggies for snack MORE often. I want to drink more green tea on a daily basis. I can start with one cup a day. Right now, I am drinking maybe 1-2 cups a week.

Now that school is almost over, I want to move my exercise to second thing in the morning. I have my time in the Word first, then get out and move. I would love to put on my workout clothes first thing to motivate me. No more working around school! It is just scheduled in.

It's time to be more consistent in the small changes we have tried to make as a family and move on to new ones. It's time to make wise choices in such a way and for such a time that they become habits.

My first wise choice today: I am taking the kids to Krispy Kreme this morning for celebration (my youngest's suggestion). I am going to eat my oatmeal before I go and drink my coffee, hoping I am so full that I can resist. I am going to ask my daughters to help me NOT eat a donut there. They are 200 calories a piece and pure sugar. I always feel horrible after eating one. I need energy for this marathon weekend! Not to feel sluggish. I am going to write something motivational on a card and carry it in there with me! I want this success today so badly! I want to stand firm and say "NO" and stick with it! I will plan on a skinny latte (if they have one), but NO DONUTS!

I'll let you know how I do. Sure hope it is not like the Mexican restaurant..........

It has not been a great 2 weeks around here. I am having some kind of trouble with my inner ear that keeping me awake at night, hurts when I walk (much less run), makes me not want to eat much, etc.

We also have had struggles that are totally unrelated to health. Three of our four cars were in the shop as of yesterday. Thankfully, sweet hubby was able to get my Suburban fixed in one day (great mechanic in Jacksonville). It is a very busy week with graduation on Friday, so I really needed a car. Two of the cars need expensive repairs. The third one, Wade is so knowledgeable with cars that he will actually pocket some money because the insurance co is letting him do the repairs and he has found parts less expensive online. I love that he knows what he is doing!

Anyway, all of this to say, I have turned to food to help me deal with stress. How stupid is that?! As a believer, I know that my only strength comes from the Lord, but I have not been thinking clearly, but just moving by habit to food. Lord, forgive me!

I did weigh last week and I had gained 1.8 pounds last week. Not good, but I wasn't exercising because of my ear. It hurt so badly when I walked that I didn't even try to run. P90X was out of the question for the same reason. So instead I went to the doctor, rested and tried the meds he gave me.

The only thing I should have tried that I haven't yet (and keep saying I am going to) is eating raw veggies and fruit and pumping Vitamin C to try to beat this thing. God gave me a body that was created to fight off disease if fueled properly. At least I believe that in my head. I just don't eat like it.

BUT........today is a new day. I got out to walk (because my ear is still hurting after 2 weeks). I only made it 1.1 miles and the itching I had on my legs and feet were so insane that I came back home and jumped in the shower. I have never had that at all! Weird! I hope it doesn't continue! I ate a fairly healthy breakfast, too.

I am taking the kids to lunch to celebrate school being out. They get to choose, so I hope they choose a place that has healthy options. Mexican or Chinese would not have good options, I don't think. We'll see what they choose. I might "guide" them a bit.

On the road again..........that is what keeps going through my head. Let's begin again. My friend, Deanne, motivates me everytime I read her blog. You can check her out under my friends. She worked hard for over two years to get healthy and has maintained it, though she stumbles at times. She understands that it is about one choice at a time.

I know that bad choices got me where I am. Now it will be about one good choice at a time. I just need to focus on one meal at a time just like I have to focus on God's grace for one day at a time in my Christian life.

Today, I pray, is about many good choices FOR health.

I was out of the house for 10 days straight! UGH! I hate leaving my wonderfully, green, flowery, homey house right now. I just want to be here with all of my little chicks here with me.

So for 10 days I did NO exercise and it was not fun! I am back to P90X and running, too. I have decided to run on MWFs and do weights on TTH(S). I think that will work well. It means that I don't do his cardio workouts which really kick my rear end, but I am enjoying running in this nice weather.

My sweet hubby used some reward points to get me an iPod Nano so that I could get the Nike+ chip and keep track of my runs. He got it working for me over the weekend and I love it! It is neat to put in the run and then see what others are doing. It really motivated me. I wasn't going to run today, but I wanted to run longer and farther than yesterday. I am such a visual person! I wanted my chart to go up!

So Monday I did a walk/run. Yesterday I did not allow myself to stop to walk. I did 1.41 miles without a stop and it felt great! It was really hard up those hills, but I just slowed down and mentally pushed myself......if that makes any sense.

Today I waited too long to go out so it was pretty warm. I could tell a difference in my fatigue. Yesterday I ran a 10:31 mile (good for my first complete run), but today I was down to 11:16. Yesterday I ran in the early morning when it was 44 degrees. Makes a huge difference.

Feeling great about my exercise habits improving. It helps my eating habits improve, too. I have only lost 6 pounds (because my eating has been sporadic), but I have lost 5 1/2" in my overall body measurements! That excited me!

I am feeling so strong! I did DAY 4 of P90X yesterday (legs and back) and it kicked my rear! I was pouring sweat and I just sweat easily! I was still feeling it in my calves this morning.

Then I did DAY 5 just now - KENPO. It is an hour of kickboxing. I LOVED IT! I could do every move and finish the sequences. It took me a minute to get the moves of a few combos at first, but when I got it, I could finish. I know that I need to work on my form on my left leg. It seems so much weaker. Not sure if it is because of my leg work yesterday or just my weaker leg. We'll see.

I am feeling GREAT! I LOVE P90X! It is hard to get it in everyday and I can't seem to run when I do it, but I think it will improve my running after I am done. I am feeling so strong! I highly recommend this workout program.

Now I just need to check into their recovery drink I keep hearing so much about...............

By the way, I am down another .5 pound today. I have lost a total of 6.5 pounds so far in 4 weeks. I am smiling.

Yesterday was an enlightening day for me diet-wise. Thursday afternoon and yesterday, I ate what I wanted. I ate pizza, went to the movies and had popcorn, as well as had more chocolate than I needed. You know how I felt? In a word, sleepy. I fell asleep in the movie because of what I had eaten. I am so convinced of it.

However, up to that time, I had eaten healthy and felt great energy to do anything I needed to do for that day. Bottom line lesson learned, IT'S NOT WORTH IT! It feels so much better to eat healthy! It makes me way more effective in life. I need energy to do what I do in my home and in ministry. It is worth every bit of planning and denying to feed my body with energy-fueling foods.

So today I am back to my planned eating, healthy foods.

I also did the P90X yoga (Day 5) yesterday. It is an hour and a half long and after 40 minutes, I was struggling so badly that I quit. After 10 minutes, Leah convinced me to come back to finish it. I did finish it, only missing that 10 minutes. It is so hard because yoga involves a lot of holding up your own body weight. Hopefully, as I lose weight, I will be more able to do that.

Weigh In Day

I am down 1.6 pounds this week. That gives me a total weight loss of 6 pounds. I am excited about that.

Wade and I went to Panera Bread last night and I wanted to eat whatever I felt like, but I didn't let myself. I am glad I didn't. This morning I wanted to "reward" myself for my weight loss (with food, of course, how stupid!), but I didn't. I ate my yogurt and oatmeal and I feel great! So glad God gave me the discipline to deny myself my selfish desires. Help me, O Lord!

Today I will be doing DAY 4 of P90X after lunch sometime. I have much to do here today, but pressing on in the strength of the Lord.

3 Days Down, 87 to Go

Great morning so far. I didn't sleep well, but got up anyway to have some sweet time with the Lord, then upstairs to do DAY 3 of P90X. It was arms and shoulders. I made it through and did it all the way through. There was even one exercise when I saw it demonstrated, I got up to skip it then thought, oh I guess I could try and I COULD DO IT!!! I am getting stronger. That is so much fun!

I did just learn at breakfast that I am supposed to do the AB RIPPER again. Ugh! That's what killed me on Monday. I will do that later this afternoon.

In order to keep my body from being too sore, I then walked down to the mailbox and back (2 miles). It was spitting rain, but it brought a great time of prayer. I didn't take my iPod today because I needed to talk more to the Lord. I feel good, though my body is a bit worn out.

Now I am just praying that God will help me be disciplined about my eating today. So far, so good: oatmeal and blueberries. I'll be weighing in tomorrow. Can't wait to see how this P90X and eating very carefully has helped me on the scale.

I have been concerned that I am not taking in enough calories. I know that fruits and veggies in their most natural state are fewer calories, but I also know that if I don't take in enough calories, my body will begin to hoard what it has. I am struggling to get 1,000 some days. Maybe the answer is a bit more protein.

I am reading about health and will continue to in order to learn how to eat better.

I also am writing down my motivators for wanting to be healthy. I will share them when I finish the list.