Perseverance

I went out for my walk/run today. Last week I noticed that my shoes had broken down some in the arch/heel areas because my feet hurt last Wednesday and Thursday when I ran. Because of things going on, I knew I wouldn't be able to get new shoes before this week.

So today I went out, knowing that I would just walk today. I walked and walked. I knew I would have to walk longer in order to get the calories burned, but I didn't anticipate walking for almost 90 minutes, but that's what happened. I had much wrestling with the Lord to do and needed the encouragement that Sovereign Grace music gave to me through my iPod.

Walking out here in the country means that I will usually either walk/run the pavement which usually takes 3 times around to get 2.5 miles. That is usually my goal: 2-3 miles. If I decide to walk to the mailbox, I have to walk on the dirt road which is all uphill from my house TO the mailbox, but mostly downhill on the way back. That is, after you finish the "big hill." The "big hill" is the hill that is right after you pull through our gate. It is about 500-600 feet long, but pretty steep. I usually have to do some mental games to get myself up the hill. About halfway up, I long to take a break, but try to make myself just take the next step. Just keep moving.

Once I am at the top, I feel so ready to start my run and I run all the way home. It is almost a mile down to the mailbox and a mile back, so I can get in 2 miles from "doing the dirt road" one time. And it is a good walk/run because of the hills.

While I was on the walk today, my FIL drove by very slowly. When he reached me, he rolled down his window and asked me, "Do you want me to stir up some dust?" He was kind and drove slowly so that I didn't have to walk through dust.

All of this had me thinking. Last week was a week that brought some storms into my life spiritually. I have been on the edge of despairing for a few days now, being very discouraged. As I walked today, rehearsing the verse that God keeps taking me back to about His strength being made perfect in my weakness, I found Him revealing other truths about my life right now.

Some days we can't run spiritually, can we? We are discouraged or tired, weakened by attacks from Satan or sin. But that doesn't mean I have to quit. My spirit today would like to lie in bed, feeling sorry for myself, but God calls me to persevere. Today my body needed exercise even though I couldn't run. I just had to take the next step and do the next thing: walk. Just keep moving. Just keep seeking the Lord even when I desire to quit. Just keep letting Him move me when I don't feel like moving.

Then when I got to the hill and once again I wanted to stop in the middle, halfway up, instead I walked a zigzag up the hill so that I could keep going. It was a different way to walk, a bit of a different route to take, but I just kept going. Kept persevering. Often God's path to spiritual growth looks very different from what we plan, desire or expect. But it is still the path to spiritual growth. I was still going up the hill, eventually reaching the top. I need to keep walking God's path, as much as He shows me each day, eventually reaching heaven! What a day that will be!

Today I found myself looking down a lot. Like on the big hill, I never look up to see where I am headed. It makes me weak. I look at the ground, at the next step. It reminded me that God gives me grace for today. He doesn't ask me to extend faith for next week or next year, but today, in what He shows me and gives to me, I am to respond in faith. And usually I find that that is just doing the next step. Elizabeth Elliot when talking about how she endured her husband's murder by the Indians he was desiring to reach for the Lord, said she just got up and "did the next thing." It was how she coped. Today I just took the next step in front of me to reach the top. Spiritually, I am asking the Lord to help me take the next step that He asks of me and shows me in order to reach maturity in Christ and eventually glorification in heaven. I so long to receive the crown of glory and hear Him say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

There were bigger rocks on the path today. I am not sure if it was because of recent rain or the fact that my son has been trying to use shale to fill pot holes on the road. Once I stumbled on a new rock, but caught myself before falling. Application to me: there will be obstacles on the path to holiness. There will be stumbling blocks that tempt us to despair and give up. But God calls us to press on. If we fall, get up and call on Him to help us again to move forward.

And dust. Well, there will be things, situations or people that "stir up dust" on our journey. How will we deal with it? If I were on the road and dust was stirred up, I would have to wait til it settled. Sometimes we just have to wait on the Lord to move. We have to wait on His timing which is perfect. We have to wait for Him to show us the next step because it seem so unclear.

Right now a lot of things seem so unclear. I don't know what it is about deep, soul pain that makes it difficult for me to think clearly, but it is true. I long to think clearly, but it seems that today all I can do is quote Scripture to myself because I can't even process what I think I need to. Maybe God doesn't need me to process it. Maybe He just desires me to cling to Him and His Word. Keep going back there over and over again so that I am speaking to myself instead of listening to myself. I just feel this heavy fog over my head and I just can't seem to know or understand or discern.

So I will wait on Him. I will cling to the Scripture that He continues to give to me. I will remember that He says this: "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness.......when you are weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

Lord, help me to keep walking even when I am used to running and want to crawl into bed. Help me just keep walking by faith.

I went out and walked a second time down the dirt road to the mailbox. Just needed more time with the Lord, listening to Shannon Wexelberg. Total mileage today: 6.33 miles.