Rough day. I'm not sure why, but the running was so hard for me today. I did do the Power 90 Sculpt workout first, but it was very little legs involved. A few lunges and squats, but not very many at all. Still, maybe it affected me. Not sure, but I went out to run down the dirt road. I was going to go down to Kanis, have the kids stand at the gate while I ran a little ways on the road, then come back up the hill and back down the dirt road to my house.

I started out running and I felt horrible. It's like I understood for the first time what Wade means when he says he "didn't have any legs" in soccer. My breathing was fine, but my legs were so slow. I felt like an old man running.

I didn't want to give in though so I would walk for about 30 seconds and then make myself run again. Most of the way down the dirt road to Kanis is a gradual uphill slope. There are a few small dips in the road, but mostly it goes uphill from my house.

That makes it nice on the way home, though. A lot of flat spaces with a gradual downhill slope to it all. I don't like running downhill at a steeper slope, but I didn't have any trouble at all going back home. But I felt so bad by the time I got to the top of our big hill that I didn't even go down it. I turned around and ran the whole way back home.

By the time I got back to our driveway, I felt better, so I told the kids I was going to go again so that I could get my 2 miles in. It would have been easier to quit, but I didn't want to. I don't want to give in when it's hard. I want to persevere in this journey of learning to run.......for many reasons.

So this time going uphill was not so bad. I had more energy and felt better. I did walk a little, but not much. Then turned around again at the Prays driveway and ran home.

I feel good now. Yes, I am sweating and my legs are sore, especially my quads, but it is a good kind of sore. I am so glad I pushed myself today. I needed it.

It is much like my spiritual walk. I found myself praying today at the end of my run: "Lord, running will never be easy for me, will it? Much like running the Christian race. It will never be easy, but help me persevere and not give in to my desire to quit, my desire for ease."

Running does help me when I am stressed and have a lot on my mind. That is true. I come back inside feeling a little lighter. Not sure why, but it's true.

I guess I am going to make blog public by Christmas, if I am still running. I am so afraid of failing in this. Last night at youth, there was a gal who sat down to talk to me and she said that she "used to be a runner," had foot trouble and was getting back into it. I could not tell her that I had started running. I haven't been able to tell anyone but family.

I just don't feel like a runner. I feel like a sluggish jogger. I don't know how others run because I don't run with them, but I feel like a loser when it comes to this.

BUT I am helped. I am improving. I am encouraged. I have to set my own pace and run as only I can, pushing myself when weary and striving for more. That, with the Lord's help, I hope to do. Even if I never run like others.

One more thing.......my eating is better. I am desiring healthier things. My tastes are changing. I still want a bit of dark chocolate, but I keep Ghirardelli Squares (60% cacao) around most of the time. I usually only need a taste to be satisfied.